@NYC_Blonde: I hate when my boyfriend's snoring wakes me up and then I realize it was my snoring and I don't have a boyfriend and I'm going to die alone.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Chumpstring: [job interview] INTERVIEWER: what can you tell me about the last three years of your life ME: just that i hope they haven't started yet
@ericsshadow: ME: have you seen my keys? WIFE: check your pockets ME: nope [phone rings] ME: hello? CIA: check your other pocket
@Reverend_Scott: "Charlie, I want a divorce." [in a black robe sacrificing a chicken on a satanic blood alter] Why?