@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
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@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.
@XplodingUnicorn: [loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks.
@chris_coltrane: TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS EXPLAINED: 1) Rich people make money 2) It "trickles down" to offshore banks 3) Government closes libraries/hospitals