@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
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@Pork_Chop_Hair: (6yo son sweetly tracing my face with his fingers at bedtime) 6: Just be still, Momma. I'm pretending to shave off your eyebrows.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents.
@YahooAnswersTXT: Homosexuals please help me. I think my hamsters are gay. How do I let them know it's okay?