@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
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@InsouciantMan: This joke format is stupid. Nobody can wink forever. *winks for an extended but realistic period of time
@Girl_Censored: I'm not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I'm going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard...
@Jeffwni: [The Justice League on patrol] Superman: Wait! I smell something fishy… Batman:*chuckles* Aquaman: Know what? Screw you guys. I'm going home
@TheGladStork: Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Me: I was thinking about you.