@GrandadJFreeman: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
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@Glynner85: The best part about having a muppet for a best friend is that when you're done singing songs, BOOM free oven mitt.
@Fickle_Filly: Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
@prontopup: What do we want? A cure for short-term memory loss! When do we want it? When do we want what?
@HeyZeus666: I turned off Auto-Correct for the first time, and now my new girlfriend thinks she has a face that launched a 1000 shits.