@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
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@huntigula: [job interview] Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight'] [I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]
@ewfeez: Whenever a guy named Stephen tries to tell me what to do I shout, "you're not my real hen!" and run away
@juliacomedy: remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life
@Lowenaffchen: Hey girl.. you ready to [loudly toward the door] TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL *roommate sends in R/C truck with a bunch of condoms taped to it*