@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@cervixsmash: Dad: Why are you eyes so red, son? Son: I smoked weed, dad Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot
@trevso_electric: Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person.
@mollymcnearney: Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
@Coastiefish: You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed.