@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
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@david8hughes: [soldier making lunch] Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]
@E_lok44: If you want your uninvited guests to leave, seat them comfortably in the basement, then go upstairs and watch TV.
@johnbiehl: Enrique Iglesias wants to 1. Be your hero 2. Kiss away your pain 3. Stand by you forever Enrique Iglesias is your mother