@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
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@jnrbtsn: I don't discriminate among size guys. Personally my favorite is 3 inches and goes by the name visa, mc, or amex.
@stormy_hero: [at wedding] "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Couple kisses *yelling from the back row "AWKWAAAARD"
@PyrBliss: This girl just said, "You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?" and I was all like, "Nope." and walked away.
@CornOnTheGoblin: me: i let my cat drink the bathtub water while i was in it priest: once again kind of weird but not a sin