@weinerdog4life: I hate when people talk to me while I'm using the restroom, the other day, this guy was all like "Sir this is a display model at Home Depot"
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@valerie_tosi: In the Phoenix airport & I just heard a guys laptop say "you've got mail". Pretty sure I've landed in 1998.
@RealSamHarwood: A homeless man randomly asked me if I was from Minnesota yesterday, so I replied, "no, but once I stabbed a guy who grew up in Minneapolis"
@jake_lach: My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen