@joeljeffrey: I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How's it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
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@noog: Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime “literally” is misused and did his “You keep saying that word“ bit Genie: That ones on the house
@BrianIncognito: I turned to her and said "We're all just seeking validation, aren't we?" She just ignored me, stamped my parking ticket, and handed it back.
@iwearaonesie: wife: What's the best moment of your life? me: That time I won a stuffed dino- wife: That didn't involve a dinosaur me: Our wedding
@cynicanoldicus: Go ahead, post and claim my tweets as your own. Maybe later, if you like, I'll come satisfy your woman and you can take credit for that too.