@junejuly12: I have 8 pens in my bag, cause you never know when an octopus will mosey along and need to sign things.
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@BatBatshitcrazy: Don't you dare look at me with that come hither stare; I haven't hithered in years.
@cassaleigh_: Someone just followed me and their bio said they were born in the year 2000 and I was like, “OKAY YEAH SURE, so you’re 3?” and then I realized that the year 2000 was 19 years ago and I am an old person.
@noog: Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL
@roostermustache: Me: if u take an opinion and subtract 3.14, you're just left with onion. pretty crazy huh Girl at the bar im flirting with: *takes 9 shots*