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@TommyKarate: I have a big butt and I can not lie.
@Lilbyrdy: My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.
@jonnysun: GOOD COP: tell us where ur boss is hiding and we'll let u go
BIKE COP: [clenches fist] we woulda caught him if he hadnt climbed those stairs
@o__0Dev: A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
@lewisheywood: Honestly thought someone was just super excited about the drinks machine
@jergarl: Ambien: Where is your unicorn?
Me: I don't have a unicorn.
A: You better get naked and go into that Arby's and look for it anyway.