@jmabell: “I have a cure for your burning bush." — Moses hitting on the ladies
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@MatCro: "Pete's coming for dinner tonight." "Pete from work or Pete who thinks he can walk through doors?" [Massive thud] "I'll just check."
@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
@Your_Boy_Dylan: How did girls text before emojis? Hey I can't wait to see you tonight! PARTY HAT MARTINI GLASS NOISEMAKER BEER MUG CAT DOG SUNGLASSES POOP