@jmabell: “I have a cure for your burning bush." — Moses hitting on the ladies
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@Cheeseboy22: I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner.
@shanethevein: Wait, there's a big difference. Did you say I look like THE Rock or did you say I look like A rock?
@thenoahkinsey: SOON I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR HEROES AND TAKE MY PLACE AS YOUR WORLD LEADER BUT FIRST WHAT IS YOUR MOM'S CASSEROLE RECIPE IT IS DELIGHTFUL
@1Happytwit: My ex told me that Gaga's "Bad Romance" song reminds him of me. Now I'm glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga.