@VerbsRProudest: I have a draft that just says "rhino!" & I cannot even wrap my brain around why I thought that would make sense.
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@goldengateblond: There's a crying baby on my bus and I'm all "shut up baby, you're not the one going to work."
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Tell me a weakness." I never finish what I start. "Care to elaborate?" *grabbing my stuff* Nah, I gotta get going.
@philandher96: Trying to make pancakes this morning and it turns out I didn't get the spatula in the divorce.
@OneFunnyMummy: Chips are not only delicious, but if you crunch them loud enough you can't hear your children anymore.