@marebytes: I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom
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@TomTheWicked: Boss: What's for lunch? Me: Food. B: What kind of food? M: The kind you eat. B: ... M: ... B: ... Me: You hired me. This is your fault.
@AntoKenya: A Couple of underscores is to a couple of underscores? Ok. RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.
@seanoconnz: THIS IS MY LOCKER ROOM TALK GUY: Hey, do you know if they supply towels here? ME: Please don't look at me, my shirt is off.