@marebytes: I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom
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@JohnLyonTweets: Me, at concert: [ironically] Freebird! Band: *plays Freebird* Me: Well that backfired.
@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
@Biraahwa: Her: *smiles* You fill those out very nicely. Me: (looks at jeans)Thanks. Bank Teller: Sir, could you please pass back the forms? Me: Ohh!
@Tmoney68: BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water.