@SortaBad: I have a friend who doesn't drink coffee, so to stay alert at work he gets a healthy amount of sleep each night. What a loser
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@nbadag: [sexting] HER: ok well i think we're done here lol ME: it's bc i used 'betwixt' isn't it? [typing ellipses for a solid minute] HER: yes
@beeple: so proud of america. only 8 years after electing first black pres, we're considering electing our first orange one
@BillMc7: listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk
@mochanya: People r afraid of boogers. I bet u could rob a bank with a booger! Folks in the bank would back up! Police would be puzzled tho: A Bogger?!