@osno13: i have a heavy flow maxi pad in my wallet so it looks like i have lots of money
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@: Boy in the pub was telling me his job is a penguin erector so every time a plane flys over Edinburgh zoo the penguins can’t take their eyes off it and end up falling over n he just goes round picking them back up, 38 penguins 2000 flights a day
@Gupton68: Wife: *packing a bag* Me: Where are you going? W: I'm leaving you for my boss M: Don't go— W: It’s too late, you can’t change my mind M: —before I’ve written him a quick ‘Thank You & Good Luck’ note W: I despise you
@ibid78: Pouring water on someone's head to promote something is kinda weird. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's go baptize some babies.