@Robinbuble: I have a mice problem so I lay out tiny red and blue bandanas in hopes they start a west coast/east coast thing and take care of each other.
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@NateMorrising: For sale: Golden Retriever, had for 9 months, has yet to retrieve gold. Should have bought a metal detector.
@LeagueofNope: No thanks, people who hum to themselves. I've seen enough horror movies to know that you probably just killed someone or you're possessed.
@Brianhopecomedy: Cashier: "Sir, the toilet paper you're buying goes on sale tomorrow." "COOL, I'LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN."