@MattMelvin: I have a sixth sense of humor. I laugh at dead people.
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@LucTabone: My son has the ability to predict what will happen in the future and later explain why it didn't happen. I think I'm raising a politician.
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@SteveSuckington: Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?