@chrissyteigen: i have a very sore throat & your suggestion of a shot of whiskey only helped in the way that i no longer care about my extremely sore throat
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@Rollmaninoz: my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it’s no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides
@imdaintyaf: I'm so incapable of accepting a compliment that I've started just flat out refusing them. Them: You look lovely today. Me: No thank you.
@pattymo: "And the guy's name was Anthony WEINER? Come on" - high school AP U.S. history student, 2046
@mirandaasantos: throwback to when the car insurance lady asked my mom for front, rear, & side views but she didn't get the memo..