@chrissyteigen: i have a very sore throat & your suggestion of a shot of whiskey only helped in the way that i no longer care about my extremely sore throat
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@Rollinintheseat: *Speed dating* Me: "Do you say bless you when your dog sneezes?" Him: "No." Me: "Next."
@_NTFG_: DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years
@fro_vo: [Date] Me: how about a drink? get whatever floats your boat Her: thanks! i'll have a mai tai Me: *glaring* you float a boat with water karen
@SammySkinns: Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I'll paint your ceiling. *To himself* Errybody gon be naked tho.