@omgthatspunny: I have an eating disorder; I'm about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
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@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What would you say is your greatest strength? I'm pretty humble. Actually, I'm incredibly humble. Amaaaaazingly humble.
@Darlainky: Winter can cause potentially deadly situations like icy roads, hypothermia, and the much feared man cold.
@jergarl: In my defense, my response to her inquiry as to how my day was going was "I'm less stabby than normal" not "Please tell me about your cat."
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.