@lovemydogduck: I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.
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@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.
@NYC_Blonde: You know that episode of Friends where Joey tries to speak French? That's what I hear when watching the State of the Union Address
@TheBoydP: Protip: Eclipse glasses are not cheap but if you wait until tomorrow you can get a really good deal on them.
@jordan_stratton: COACH: You miss 100% of the shots you take. ME: You mean, don't take? COACH: No. You are, by far, the worst athlete I have ever seen.