@lovemydogduck: I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.
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@AnnaKendrick47: The saddest thing about the digital age is the next generation won't have that "nudie mag they found in the woods" experience. #culture
@_sleepysmile: People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating.
@iamspacegirl: FISHING TRIP Joseph *casting his line*: Son, your mother thinks it's time I tell you- You're agodpted. Jesus *runs across the lake crying*
@KyleMcDowell86: DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU