@DaHess1: I have an outstanding credit score and even know a dude named Tanner but I'm still not white enough to drink pumpkin beer.
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@thatdutchperson: [about to message girl he likes] Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid. Brain: OR
@PretendMaker: *into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers
@GensPlace: She was a very heavy smoker with a cough that curdled your blood. Phlegm fatale, they called her.