@silent_musings: I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
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@markedly: One time I microwaved my lunch at work and my coworker said "That smells spicy! What is that--is that salt?" And when I was speechless she followed up with "Is it pepper?"
@Karate_Horse: me: I hate boxes and how they hold food so well! almost TOO good! inventor of cornucopia: sir, do i have something to show you
@notbedelia: 911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means "Doing the Facebook". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.