@silent_musings: I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
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@onion_an: 1st date: I love the spiderman movies Me: So do I [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: I used to be a spider
@badbanana: If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is being chased by a pug. he jumps in a taxi and escapes. he breathes a sigh of relief. the driver turns around. it's the pug