@BrettDruck: I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro
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@novicefather: Past employers have described me as "selfish, egotistic, condescending, the physical manifestation of capitalism, and a true sweetheart."
@Mr_Kapowski: My only goal when getting ready to go out in public is to make sure a teenager doesn't take a discreet picture of my outfit and meme me