@wolfpupy: i have been told spending the night in this haunted house will grant me immunity from being pranked or fooled on the april fool day
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@KentWGraham: Things that don’t exist: 1. Fairies 2. Elves 3. Gnomes 4. Trolls 5. Whatever item my wife sends me to the grocery store to get
@EndhooS: Yelling "PARKOUR" whenever your toddler falls over is an easy way to make him look like a cool free runner rather than a clumsy little idiot
@goodersuk74: I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely
@jeannerbeaner: My signature move is eating a whole bag of something before realizing I don't like it.