@wolfpupy: i have been told spending the night in this haunted house will grant me immunity from being pranked or fooled on the april fool day
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@NicestHippo: [doctor gets job as 911 operator] "What's your emergency?" MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE "Hmm ok let's wait a few weeks and see how it is then"
@Supafunkadunka: Women my age expect a man to have his shit together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
@robdelaney: Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films.