@wolfpupy: i have been told spending the night in this haunted house will grant me immunity from being pranked or fooled on the april fool day
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@juliussharpe: Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?
@SteveKoehler22: Son : “Dad, who did I get my intelligence from ?" Dad : “It must be from your mother. I still have mine”
@LackOfShame: Relationship Status: Married long enough to know when I hear her say "I love you," she's talking to our dog.
@GoldenSpirals: Apparently... Border Security does NOT think it's funny when you reply, "I'm hungry" when they ask you if you have anything to declare.