@djderk: I have enough money to live comfortably the rest of my life if I die next thursday
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@BangMyBongo: Hell is where Sarah Palin is president, Taylor Swift is in love with me, and Kim Kardashian names all the children
@lisaxy424: Me: Hi, thanks for meeting with me. Oh is it pronounced Caroline or Carolynn? Her: anything is fine Me: ........ok Sarah, let's get started.
@rickkondell: That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp, and kill your dog.
@Jacob_Swift16: A cop just told me that i have way too many buddha statues for there to not be drugs in the house