@djderk: I have enough money to live comfortably the rest of my life if I die next thursday
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@lisaandtots: Hit 1,000 followers and a 100 star tweet on the same day! Do you know what that means?! 900 of you don't read my shit.
@leshnevsky: Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty? Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!