@Arroia: I have failed math eleventeen times or so.
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@UberFacts: A mentally ill man shot himself in the head as a suicide attempt. The bullet cured his disorder and he became a straight-A college student.
@0point5twins: "Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Twitter comedian: I'm the greatest tweeter alive! Kanye: Even I don't want that title.