@Tuna_Lover: I have found that a positive pregnancy test will cure hiccups.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "Can you explain this gap in your résumé?" Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."
@amarie_price: "who can I count on to volunteer for this project?" *slumps out of chair and slowly army crawls out of conference room*
@Snarfernini: Brain: HEY 2am let's think about Greg Me: Ok Brain: He saw you scratching your nose today & thinks you picked it Me: Wa...what? Brain: Owned
@Tadicles: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music" , but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the Hardware Store"