@WilliamAder: I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
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@dshack8: "I'll just stagger around yelling random, incoherent shit as people try to keep me from hurting myself." Drunks and 1 year olds.
@thetigersez: Sometimes I think I should try to be a better person, but then I remember I'm good-looking, so I'm, like, nah.
@huntigula: [snowman rings doorbell] Pardon me, but I overheard someone say something about a "snow blower" and was wondering where I might find one.