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@donni: "I have no advice. I can't talk! I am a building." -Prison advice
@JohnHilsen: Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish.
@KenJennings: Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's "Dinosaurs" were all different species of dinosaur
@omgthatspunny: I told a deer joke once. It was very fawny.
@TylerFoFyler: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact.
@Elizasoul80: When people tell me I look like my mother, I assume they mean disappointed.