@RickAaron: I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk.
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@MrSandeepP: Me: Hello, is it me you're looking for? Her: no Me: *dials another number* Hello, is it me you're looking for?
@dshack8: Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch.
@panmidwest: [pulled over] ME: Ok, don't let him know you're an alligator COP: Sir, step out of the car & walk in a straight line ME: [exhale] thank God…