@Heather2Go: I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear.
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@lazerdoov: Girlfriend: hey babe you wanna get breakfast and go for a run? (Cut to me with a mouth full of Doritos) Me: I have shin splints
@KalvinMacleod: Alanis Morissette: It’s like 10000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Spoons R Us clerk: Ma’am, nobody asked you to shop here.
@QwertyJones3: DOCTOR: Do you have any questions? "Can I shower with this cast?" DOCTOR: What do you think, guys? PHOEBE, JOEY, CHANDLER, MONICA: Sure!