@Heather2Go: I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear.
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@charliesgonenow: Do I have a girlfriend!? Are you kidding me? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER THOSE THINGS USE!?
@ibid78: When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren't evidence in a murder that life's trying to frame you for.
@jesse_street: *gets laser eye surgery* "Thanks doc, so how do I activate them?" I told you, that's not what— *i squint at him real hard but he's right*
@thenatewolf: What era would you have fit best in? Mine is the one where whenever anything went wrong you could blame witches.