@Underchilde: I have the reflexes of a cat, but like if it was stoned.
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@secondofhername: The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: [coworker starts talking to me at my cubicle] Welp, nice chatting. This is my stop. [puts in earbuds]
@i_Lean: "Name him Mufasa, it means "king" in Manazoto. And uh, we'll call HIM Scar. Because his face." Simba's grandparents were the real villains.
@ericsshadow: [helping a pretty girl change a flat tire] me struggling to loosen lug nuts: Who put these on... Superman? her: I did