@UpDocInc: I have twin brothers named Juan and Amal. I only carry a picture of one of them because if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
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@shanethevein: I'm not intimidated by a pretty woman. I'm intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
@briangaar: I just want to be one of those dads who runs on the field & tackles an opposing 6 year old
@AaronFullerton: Wife: Nothing you could say could convince me that cockroaches aren't the worst. Me: Wall-E's friend was a cockroach. Wife: Except that.
@jonnysun: COP 1: whys there a dead scuba diver in the forest?? COP 2: easy…he was in the water they drop on forest fires WEIRD SERIAL KILLER: no no NO