@dumbbeezie: I hate it when you have french fries and all of the sudden people are acting like they like you

@NikkiLavelle: Autocorrect will be the dress of me

@LuvPug: I guess a good thing that would happen to me if the zombie apocalypse ever occurred is that I'd finally start running

@o__0Dev: If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you're the worst employee at a toy factory.

@Phantasmagoriax: If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.