@patnspankme: I haven't been this confused about what's going on since The Cranberries yodeled that one song about zombies.
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@mrjohndarby: went to the supermarket with my 3 kids and was buying 24 beers and someone said 'isnt that too many?' so i said 'yes' and put one of my kids on the shelf and they called security
@QuietPsycho: Advice from a 6 year old patient: "You should wear your stethoscope everywhere...girls will really like you. You look smart"
@ericsshadow: [wife walking in the door after work] WIFE: I had just had the worst... why are our kids in the dog cage? ME: a hello would be nice.