@Moldy_Jellybean: I haven't had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.
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@tastefactory: Prisoner:*strapped into chair* Flip the switch & fry me. Guard: Oh, we're not electrocuting you... *college kid w/ acoustic guitar walks in*
@GuyConfused: Love my pillow so much because it doesn't leave my house in the morning after spending the night with me.
@liv_thatsme: Me (to stock boy): Tell the manager there's a mess in Aisle 6 *Manager arrives* Me: I really appreciate this, I've just been really lonel-
@FuckabillyRex: I thought she said "tantrum sex" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman.