@Moldy_Jellybean: I haven't had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.
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@JasonLastname: How many push-ups is too many when meeting your girlfriend's dad for the first time?
@KeetPotato: [at my date's front door] wait, so you've known i was a koala the whole time? "yeah" [me clinging to her arm slowly eating a leaf] how tho?
@robfee: (At a funeral) Im so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose something you love. Last year Taylor Swift took her music off Spotify.