@bingowings14: I haven't said a single truthful thing on here since I became the King of Sweden.
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@looktothepickle: Girl, tonight I'm gonna let my body do all the talking.. *squishes flab together to make a mouth out of my bellybutton* HELLOOO! LA LA LAA!
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@Jayson_Two_time: An app.. An app that reminds you, no matter how ugly you are.. someone far far away wants to bang you. -Twitters new slogan