@TheBoydP: I heard that no real accountants were consulted during the filming of the new movie The Accountant. They want the movie to be entertaining.
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@underrateDad: My super power is picking up all the laundry in one arm then bending over for 5 minutes picking up that one sock that keeps falling out.
@rolldiggity: I fill my pockets with glitter so when people ask me for money, I can turn them out to show that I'm broke, but still a little fancy.
@Soren_Ltd: "And you sarge, got anyone special back home?" "An Internet commentor. Wants me to provide facts against his point. Said he'd wait for me."
@AristotlesNZ: Me: There's a real fat one on the other team! Her: "My son's not fat!" How you know I was talking about him? "Cuz he's the.." Fat one? "Ya."