@Anti_Joke_Apple: I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out. I was like OMg.
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@torrami: Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a pterodactyl on the coffee table.
@andlikelaura: FRIEND 1: wanna see a pic of my cat ME: yes! FRIEND 2: wanna see a pic of my bird ME: yes! FRIEND 3: wanna see a pic of my dog ME: omg yes! FRIEND 4: wanna see a pic of my baby ME: ugh fine
@HavocMantis: God: "Adam looks kind of lonely down there. What should I do?" Frog: "ribbit" God: "haha, alright man"