@duplicitron: I heard that processed meats are just as bad for you as cigarettes so I'm walking around smoking a hot dog looking cool as hell.
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@careworn: Why do people insist on saying "You're next" to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?
@ibid78: [commercial] [man comes home after long day, opens front door and is attacked by 8 cats] MAN: There has to be a better way! Narrator: DOGS
@Spaziotwat: OF COURSE IT'S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour.
@offbeatoliv: Sister: "Family shot time" Me: "Whooo Hoooo....drink drink drink drink!" Sister: [holds up camera] "I want to take a picture" Me: oh