@gorrdano: I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw.
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@JamColley: two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life.
@imdaintyaf: I'm so incapable of accepting a compliment that I've started just flat out refusing them. Them: You look lovely today. Me: No thank you.