@SarahFemme: I hope at my funeral someone has the foresight to bring a Ouija board so I can live tweet Hell.
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@TheAlexNevil: Ran into an ex-girlfriend. We talked, exchanged info, and she said her "insurance would call" me. Someones still carrying a torch!
@joeldanger: I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me.
@geo_teira: [at a restaurant] Me: uhm. This plate is broken and the food is all spread out. Waiter: yes ma'am, that's the continental drift breakfast.
@adamallday: I like my meth labs like I like my girlfriends: highly unstable and locked in my basement.