@SarahFemme: I hope at my funeral someone has the foresight to bring a Ouija board so I can live tweet Hell.
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@Sirrruh: One day my kids will find a "We're Closed" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda.
@Brampersandon_: [COPS] *into radio* We've got a drunk man in the park who thinks he's a lion tamer. "SIR! PUT THE WHIP DOWN & STEP AWAY FROM THE CAROUSEL!"
@Cynner777: Buying little gold star stickers so when people I'm speaking with say things I like I'll stick one on their forehead.
@Michael_Erhart: Person: "That's a beautiful baby." Me: "Thanks, I named him after his grandpa." Person: "Awe, what's his name?" Me: "Grandpa."