@GloriaFallon123: I hope Kim and Kanye surprise everyone and name this next kid something like Bill or Jen
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@shutupmikeginn: Me: It's cold outside. Them: It's not cold outside. Not compared to the place i lived which was colder, which I'm about to elaborate on.
@GuyEndoreKaiser: Yes, curling is silly and basically janitorial work, but that guy's gonna have a gold medal, and all you'll have is your joke about curling.
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!