@GloriaFallon123: I hope Kim and Kanye surprise everyone and name this next kid something like Bill or Jen
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@kevinseccia: When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?
@PhilJamesson: Husband Bear: Honey! I'm home! Wife Bear: For God's sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?
@muse_me_again: Just once when someone says, "Is anyone there?" in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. "What up. I'm over here. You got me."
@longwall26: Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes