@Brianhopecomedy: I hope that the missing puzzle piece my 5 year old has been searching the house for has nothing to do with my 2 year old's burp.
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@PS_IRuddYou: Just drove past a new typewriter repair shop... That's not a front for anything illegal I'm sure...
@Midgetspar: Lets all Twittercide at the same time & not tell a Will Smith parody account, 1 dog account, & all the zombie people just to freak him out.
@JennyPentland: 10yo: When in doubt, albatrout. Me: What the hell is albatrout? That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But… 10yo: ALBATROUT