@carlyken: I hope the zombies start with people that talk to me when I'm obviously counting.
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@LuckoftheDraw86: Me: hey what's this weird lump? WebMD: could be cancer. Me: it's a raisin stuck to my elbow... WebMD: you have two weeks.
@hurlarious: Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?
@jergarl: I hate when I put my open beer down and forget where I put it and then I find like 7 open beers.