@MissNaughty1801: I imagine some people are like...: 'should I take the shower?...no...I'm taking the train today...'
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@Lisa_Laughs_: My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!
@bornmiserable: [Verizon] SALESMAN: Can I interest you in our friends and family plan? BATMAN: [just starts crying]
@SuperJuanderer: What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good.
@HatfieldAnne: I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to.