@JerryThomas: I just bought an answering machine and it doesn't work. Or maybe I'm just asking it the wrong questions.
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@psybermonkey: Genie: You get one wish. Me: I wish I had more twitter followers. Genie: Done. *vanishes* *Checks phone* Genie is now following you.
@Chloestylo: Just saw a car with "Just Married" on the back window. Do people still do that? Get married, I mean..
@MarcusOreally: Boredom is the leading cause of pregnancy. Unless you're on Twitter 24/7. Then it becomes the leading form of birth control.
@noog: My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn't act the way he wanted.