@wendyraepearce: I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He's going to pay for that later.
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@slimmy_shady: Westboro Baptist Church Founder Fred Phelps Dies At 84.Who wants to protest a funeral?
@astutenewf: My moral compass must run on solar power because it definitely goes to sleep after dark.
@FrenulumBreve: [Witness Protection Program] So the more ordinary, mundane your new name is, the easier it'll be to blend into your new- BUBBLENUTS McFUNKY!
@DaddyJew: 6: can u get me a drink? Me: no, you're 6yo. You can get your own drink 6: fine *goes to fridge Me: while ur there can u grab me a beer?