@theshamingofjay: I just drank coffee I forgot on the counter this morning. It was so cold and bitter I wrote it an alimony check.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CliffDuffy: Doctor: How did you get all those bruises? Me: Rough sex Doctor: That looks unhealthy and should stop Me: Talk to your nurse about that
@Reverend_Scott: [interview] "Where you see yourself in 5 years?" Doing your job. "And me?" Jobless and upset about the divorce "OMG" *runs out crying*
@kittykaresless: Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired