@Reverend_Scott: I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
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@hippieswordfish: '911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal
@rolldiggity: Bully: "Hey, four eyes!" Me: "Don't you mean... fork eyes?" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]
@mean_spice: Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef
@dave_cactus: MUGGER: *pulls out a knife* ME: *pulls out a jar of marmalade and two biscuits* MUGGER: Lovely.