@Reverend_Scott: I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
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@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] I'm tired of staff that think they know everything! Do you know what I mean, Murray? "No, sir" I like your style, Murray.
@naughtywriter2: I have a friend whose thighs don't touch..I was jealous until a breeze came up..It sounded like a turbo fan in wind tunnel. Small favors.
@TheIronSherk: *turns on deep-fryer* *tosses in chicken nuggets* *adds chamomile and lavender* *recites from the Book of Shadows* Voila, Wiccan Nuggets
@aneesa_p: *eats a bag of chips* *eats 2 baked potatoes* *eats a plate of fries* *eats a plate of mashed potatoes* Being a vegetarian is easy!