@Mytwoscentz: I just fell flat on my face outside and made a reverse snow angel trying to get up
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@lilgapeach30: If an officer asks "do you know why I pulled you over" "Because it's the only way to get girls to talk to you?" is a bad answer, apparently.
@AndyAsAdjective: coworker: those are some crazy socks me: well I guess th- socks: THE GOVERNMENT RECORDS ALL OF OUR PHONE CALLS & IS HIDING UFO EVIDENCE
@Alex_N_Chains: Clean tweeting is liberating. You don't need profanity to make a point. Look: Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy.