@Mytwoscentz: I just fell flat on my face outside and made a reverse snow angel trying to get up
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@NinjaSweatpants: Getting asked 'you want a fork' by a hot Chinese waitress is misleading as fork to my american ears
@fro_vo: Judge: has the jury reached a verdict Jury: yes your honor Judge: how do you find the defendant Jury: guilty Defendant: SEE YOU IN COURT
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I'm just gonna take a quick nap. KIDS: Check out the new cirque du soleil show we invented. *living room is on fire*
@WetzelGeek: Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha.