@Phook75: I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house
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@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.
@miffedmim:  The rejected Spice Girl, Pumpkin, sobs outside the studio. Little does she know that in 20 years their fans will love her the most.
@Brianhopecomedy: I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she'll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
@TheNardvark: If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with "Portmanteau."