@Phook75: I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house
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@aveuaskew: It isn't a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren't allowed to vote.
@LaBelleMae: Here in Canada, we leave everything unlocked so that burglars don't risk getting glass in their hand when they punch through our windows.
@Black__Elvis: I'm sick and tired of all these goddamn illegal aliens taking jobs away from good, hard-working American aliens.